A partner’s propensity for kindness really takes prominence in a way that you might not expect when you’re in a relationship. When it comes to finding that special one it’s easy to be miss-led and get caught up in the popular conundrum of “I’m only looking for a partner who has the same taste in music, or someone who can make me laugh!
People who give their partner the cold shoulder– deliberately ignoring the partner or responding minimally– damage the relationship by making their partner feel invisible and worthless, as if they’re not there, not valued. And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner’s ability to fight off cancers and viruses.
” It’s not just scanning environment,” chimed in Julie Gottman. “It’s scanning the partner for what the partner is doing right or scanning him for what he’s doing wrong and criticizing versus respecting him and expressing appreciation.”
Yes, those are appealing qualities! Here’s a roundup of qualities in a bae that are just are everything consistent with high levels of failed relationships.
Contempt Is The Number One Factor That Tears Couples Apart.
It Pays To Be Kind To One Another
Image Credit: Family Origins
Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together. Research has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated– which makes everyone feel loved.
How To Make Relationships Work?
Advocates tend to think about kindness as a muscle. When you know that you have to exercise it to keep it in shape, only. In other words, It means that a good relationship requires sustained hard work.
There are two ways to think about kindness. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle.
What Does It Take?
Irrevocable damage in any relationship are often sustained in an aggressive spiraling conflict wrapped up in full throttle contempt and disregard for self control in heated moments.
Kindness does not mean the absent of anger, as a matter of fact, during conflicts ina relationship that is the perfect time to exercise kindness despite this being also the hardest time to be compassionate.
Neglect creates distance between breeds and partners resentment in the one who is being ignored.
It’s easy to turn away from your partner and focus on your iPad or your book or the television, mumbling “Uh huh” while moving on with your life, but neglecting small moments of emotional connection will slowly wear away at your relationship.
There is nothing special or magical, it’s just humility, self consciousness mixed with sacrifice for the sake of doing good. If your partner expresses a need,” “and you are tired, stressed, or distracted, then the generous spirit comes in when a partner makes a bid, and you still turn toward your partner.
Are There Any Advice For Couples?
For the couples getting married– and for the millions of couples currently together, married or not– the lesson is clear: If you want to have a stable, healthy relationship, exercise kindness early and often.
A partners Intent Is Everything, Execution Do Go Wrong But Kind Partners Appreciate More Than The Short-Comings.
When people think about practicing kindness, they often think about small acts of generosity, like buying each other little gifts or giving one another back rubs every now and then. While those are great examples of generosity, kindness can also be built into the very backbone of a relationship through the way partners interact with each other on a day-to-day basis, whether or not there are back rubs and chocolates involved.
Share The Joys
Another powerful kindness strategy revolves around shared joy. One of the telltale signs of the disaster couples is their inability to connect over each other’s good news. How do you react to your partners promotion at work or even silly stupid bingo win on an online platform says alot about your level of kindness.
Active destructive Partners
The partners are always quick to be dismissive about the viability of anything good coming out of you. They are experts at diminishing the good news of their partner has just got: “Are you sure you can handle all the work and responsibility that comes with middle management?
Why Are Relationships Failing At Rapid Level Now Than Ever?
There are many reasons why relationships fail, but if you look at what drives the deterioration of many relationships, it’s often a breakdown of kindness. As the normal stresses of a life together pile up– with children, career, friend, in-laws, and other distractions crowding out the time for romance and intimacy– couples may put less effort into their relationship and let the petty grievances they hold against one another tear them apart. In most marriages, levels of satisfaction drop dramatically within the first few years together.